I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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