I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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