Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
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She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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