I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
