He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
