this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
