Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
