Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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