I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
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I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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