i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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