I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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