ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again