So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP