OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead