I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..