I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
I hate when you're right.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.