Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
