i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
