he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
