party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
