Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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