Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
