Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
