party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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