Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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