He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
