I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
