FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Boobs are out for the taking
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
