Plan B is the new Plan A
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
