im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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