I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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