Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
