so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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