Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
