Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
