Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
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Just called the consul general of France "dude"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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