is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Did you pee in the oven last night??
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
