why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
