I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
