So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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