That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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