Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
