i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
