then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
