she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
