I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
