Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
