Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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