i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
