I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
