I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize