Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
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u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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