Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
