I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
