soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
