No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
