there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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