I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I wish you could order shots online.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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