My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
