Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
