I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You know, be my cock's hype man.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
