Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i will never coherently bang her
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
