five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
