Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
