Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
