I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
