i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
