Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i black out too much to be "responsible"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
