It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
