one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
