Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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