I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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