it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
