I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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