Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
