Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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