I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
