If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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