are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
