sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
