What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
